so, i was exploring the map and i was pretty far away from my home base, basically using a boat to cross deep ocean biomes and investigating islands and smaller landmasses and such
one of the islands i came across had an ABSURD amount of wolves roaming about. “holy shit,” i thought, “this swamp biome is full of free dogs.”
so of course i go on a wolf-taming spree. i wasn’t paying attention to how many i was amassing. by the time i’d covered the island, i had a pack of about twenty dogs in my entourage.
i think, ok, perhaps it’s time to go home, at least so i can leave some of these pups in a safe place while i keep exploring.
problem: there’s a huge fucking ocean between Dog Island and the continent my home base is on.
my stubborn ass thinks, “ok. ok. dogs can swim. we’ll FORD this river ocean.”
this, obviously, did not go well. the dogs are v good swimmers, but also very slow, and if i get too far ahead of them, they don’t catch up, because they can’t teleport to the player if you’re not on land. it took forever to get to the nearest small island, and i’d lost about a third of my dogs.
“i need a better plan,” i think to myself. i mean, i could abandon this ridiculous ‘transport 20+ dogs at least 5000m across multiple deep ocean biomes to my home base’ idea and find some free dogs closer to home. i mean, they’re not really that hard to find. but these are my dogs. i gave them bones and now they love me. i must not abandon them.
…and that’s how dog water skiing was born:
ishouldhavejustdonethisinthefirstfuckingplace.jpg
anyway, by the time i got to the next landmass, i hadn’t lost any more dogs. success!
and not only had i not lost any more dogs, but this new landmass was ALSO full of free dogs. and i still had some stacks of bones, which obviously trumps my own sense of self-control.
fast forward ten minutes:
look at all these pups! and also a really rude spider.
still more pups!
…oh jeez.
this is basically Homeward Bound, but instead of two dogs and a cat, it’s just me and like thirty goddamn dogs. they were continuously teleporting in front of me, i was tripping all over them. it was chaos.
now, i should mention, this was a long-ass trek home.
at some point my sword AND my backup sword broke, because frankly i just was not expecting my expedition to last this long and i did not bring a backup backup sword, so i was flailing at creepers with an axe.
i definitely lost some good pups, especially since at least half that travel was at nighttime peak monster spawn time. AND i have the Mo’ Creatures mod installed, so not only do i have to worry about the standard monsters, but also lions, tigers, bears (which are usually pretty chill but apparently can become hostile when thirty dogs suddenly teleport on top of them), manticores, ogres, SPECIAL wolves that instead of being tamable are just Very Angry All The Time, etc.
but the thing is, i kept finding more free dogs. and, sometimes when i’m walking, two dogs will just breed out of nowhere, so occasionally i’d turn around and there’d be a puppy. who did this. we’re, like, climbing a mountain here. control yourselves
anyways, by the time i got back to my home base, i counted forty-eight doggos.
just look at these Good Dogs. i couldn’t get them all to fit in the frame.
i have nowhere to put them. i feel like Roger and Anita at the end of 101 Dalmatians.
fuck all philosophy except for whatever the hell Diogenes was trying to teach
direct action
Diogenes of Sinope was on some real shit i tell you what.
-He lived in a tub in the market place cause fuck houses. There he would regularly masturbate in public and didn’t give two shits.
-He would walk around with a lantern during the day and tell people he was looking for an honest man.
-Alexander the Great was a big fan of Diogenes. He asked Diogenes if he could do any favor, and Diogenes told him that he was standing in his light and to move. Alexander was impressed but the balls of this guy, and then said ‘
But truly, if I were not Alexander, I would be Diogenes”. Diogenes replied, “If I were not Diogenes, I should also wish to be Diogenes.
“
-He would Pee on people who insulted him.
-When Plato defined a man as a ‘featherless biped’, Diogenes plucked a chicken and brought it to him, declaring ‘BEHOLD! PLATOS MAN!’
-The face spitting came from an instance where a man invited Diogenes to his splendid manor, and told him not to spit anywhere. So Diogenes spit in his face.
-For a while his only possession was a bowl. When he saw a child drinking water with his hands, he threw away the bowl because why bother with it when he can just use his hands?
-One theory of how he died is that he just got tired of living, held his breath, and then died. He specified in his will he wanted his body thrown out of the city so wild animals can eat it.
Seriously people should read up on this guy. He was next level shit.
eucalyptus trees are full of flammable oil that causes the trees to explode during forest fires, killing other trees and spreading its seeds to grow in their place. koalas survive solely because nothing else in their environment Wants To Eat The Fucking Bombs
oh u like that? try this one: the main natural cause of death in koalas is starvation, because
1) their dumbass teeth are SHIT. to be a herbivore and chomp cellulose all day u need some real tough grinders in there, and almost every other herbivore in nature has SOME sort of dental adaptation to make sure they dont run out of tooth by the time they hit middle age. horses have big tall teeth, wombat teeth grow forever, kangaroos have got a little conveyor belt system goin on, etc etc everyone’s doin SOMETHING except fuckign koalas. idiots have tiny fuckin shortass normal teeth that do an okay job for maybe like 15 years and then wear down and leave them with ridiculous fuckin useless old man gums that do shit all. but thats fine bc all koalas do anyway is sit in trees and sleep 22hrs a day then wake up and scream and eat poison and they do this all day every day until they run out of teeth at which point they just fall out of the tree and die
2) idiots can’t die any other fuckin way bc nothing in nature wants to eat them bc their bodies are chocker block with LITERAL poison. fuckin USELESS their flesh just sits around and slowly rots bc its too gross-tasting and toxic for any animal w half a brain cell to think abt going near it. have yall ever seen koala viscera. bc i have and let me tell u that shit is RANK. looks like the inside of a smoker’s lung from some fuckdamn nicabate ad bc the tannins in eucalypt leaves stain their organs like khaki black. like some fuckin dark!steve irwin costume well better piss ur way right off from this one anti-steve bc thats a natural defense mechanism meant to warn u that koalas should in no way be alive and if u touch them theyll drag u into their stupid evolutionary dead-end where they get to sit around all day doin fuck all and pumpin themselves full of brain-killing poison while we run around makin them our olympic games mascots and pretending theyre cute and honest to god looking for ways to save them from the brink of extinction which actually is unnecessary bc a) theyre not really endangered at all, nature is a fuckign miracle and b) the drongos clearly want to die so i say let em
by the way i never elaborated on “koalas sit in trees all day screaming” but heres a lil fuckin. heres a fun nugget heres a lil soundbyte this is what koalas sound like
My favorite story about Koalas comes from the book “The Killer Koala: Humorous Australian Bush Stories” By Kenneth Cook, which is an excellently good book with some A+ storytelling. he describes the Koala’s “Anti-Dingo Defense”, wherein they latch on to the belly of the dingo to slow down the rate at which they are being consumed alive by starving canid, gradually trn themselves around until they’ve got thier head in the Dingo’s crotch, and then procede to BITE THE SHIT out of the Dingo’s Tender Bits, whilst clowing at the ribs and projectile-evacuating thier bowels,
Mr. Cook found out about the Anti-Dingo Defense beause he was tricked into ‘rescuing’ a bunch of koalas off an island by the promise of a Hot Date with a young lady, wondered why they were all being given armored aprons to handle the koalas with, only to find out firsthand, which pretty much ruined his prospects of a date.
What I’m getting is that koalas are basically Australian-grade Death Sloths.
someone forgot to add that most of them have chlamydia now
i know i just made a sale post but my home life has become 100x more dangerous.
my only support system, my sister, is moving across the state in a week. if she leaves, i will be alone with my ableist and transphobic parents. my parents have been static for weeks but they are both alcoholics and it’s getting worse. i am not safe. i have been hurt by them verbally, physically, and mentally and i am not willing to risk my luck staying with them any longer. i need at LEAST a couple thousand dollars to pay a security deposit and first couple months rent. i am putting aside my pride and asking for real help. please, this is my life. my wellbeing. if you can’t donate, i beg that you share this as much as possible. my bank account is joint, and every penny tracked. every donation i get will be kept within my circle pay app. if i am found out about trying to leave, there will be severe repercussions. i am trying so hard to be discreet. please help me i know i’m not being sexy at all right now but i want to be happy and healthy more than anything.
my home condition is seriously deteriorating, my mom is getting incredibly more violent and threatening to kick me off the phone plan before i even move out (which could cost me my job), not to mention that said move out plan seems to be falling through as the guy who offered me a place is not responding to my texts and has not even asked his roommate if i can stay. i’m really worried i’ll be on the streets if this keeps up. i’m literally begging for help, i can’t do this alone.
i pay for my own food, toiletries, clothes, transportation, and everything else i need to live and it’s draining my account quickly. i walk or uber to work depending on the weather, and im down to eating one meal a day or less. i’m hungry, i’m aggravated, and most of all in need of help. this is literally my health on the line. please help me
Carrie is almost half way to her goal to get the £100k she needs for life saving surgery, but if she doesn’t reach her goal by September 1st then her surgery will be cancelled, and given the extremity of her condition it’s likely she’ll die before it can be re-arranged.
If you’re able to help financially, then you can do so at her GoFundMe. But if you don’t have money to spare there’s still a lot you can do to help prevent Carrie dying from an easily preventable death.
Reblog this post! Obvious and easy but for some reason posts I’ve made for Carrie seem to have much less luck than any other donation posts I’ve ever made.
If you play Fallout 4, then you can help with an extra effort that is being made on Tuesday the 14th. Carrie’s Fund is organising aFallout 4 Flash Mob with the hope of spreading awareness and also getting the attention of Bethesda. Disabled and chronically ill folks are a huge customer base for games companies, and Carrie’s Fund is hoping that Bethesda might help advertise their need or help directly.
Do fund raisers of your own! I know that’s a lot to ask but Carrie’s wife is essentially unable to spend any time campaigning now as Carrie’s condition deteriorates and her care needs become more complex. (If you do raise a substantial sum then please contact the campaign for the best way to get the money to them - they lose a portion to fees if it’s done through GoFundMe). Her situation is desperate and this is her last chance.
Please, please reblog this.
Posts for Carrie seem to do badly and she is running out of time.
so because the bar exam is in the swanky part of boston, I had to get a hotel room in the swanky part of boston, because if I did I got a discount
and holy jesus it’s the twilight zone of rich people
this is the room service menu. guess how much a bowl of cereal costs. like, not fancy cereal, I mean a bowl of unadulterated cheerios.
…
whatever you guessed, you were wrong, it’s ten fucking dollars
oh but maybe you want something even less interesting. oatmeal’s like, what, 50 cents a bag?
JUST KIDDING IT’S ALSO TEN BUCKS
do you want something with protein? how about eggs? okay, that can be a little expensive, there’s egg shortage and labor’s involved and look, whatever number you’re guessing in your head, it’s NOT HIGH ENOUGH
oh but it’s fancy because it has ~woodland mushrooms~
do you want to know how much a glass of milk costs? GUESS HOW MUCH A GLASS OF FUCKING MILK COSTS. I’LL WAIT.
FUCKING SEVEN DOLLARS. do you know how much that is? right now, a gallon of milk is like three dollars at walmart. I could buy TWO GALLONS OF MILK AND A GLASS TO DRINK IT WITH for the price of this shit.
I finally understand this gif. this is how rich people actually think. holy fuck.
